ESSENTIAL READING:
- The Soundtrack of Mortality: Beyond Words – A phone call announcing my stepmother’s terminal cancer becomes the starting point for a meditation on music, silence, and the emotional landscape of dying. This essay explores how certain pieces of music express grief and mortality more deeply than words ever can.
- On the Death of My Mother – The story of my mother’s battle with terminal lung cancer and the profound effect her death had on my family and my own life. It is also the origin story of this website and my lifelong effort to understand loss through writing.
- “Ayúdanos, Mamá” – As my father grows older and more frail, I find myself wishing my late mother were still here to help guide our family. The essay explores aging parents, anticipatory grief, and the difficult transition from being cared for to becoming the caregiver.
- 29 Years Today – On another anniversary of my mother’s death, I reflect on aging, family, and the realization that I am now approaching the age she never reached. Personal memory becomes a meditation on mortality and the passage of generations.
- Letter to My Mom on the 23rd Anniversary of Her Death – More than two decades after her death, I write to my mother as though our conversation had never ended. The essay reflects on what time heals, what it cannot heal, and how the dead remain part of our lives.
Other Letters to My Mother:
- “Margaret Mary Geib, Rest in Peace”
- A memorial to my mother that brings together her obituary, photographs, favorite readings, final letter, and reflections on her life and death. More than a tribute, it is an attempt to preserve the memory of an extraordinary woman and the lessons she taught me in dying.
- Twenty Years is a Long Time: “Lines Written in Dejection”
- Twenty years after my mother’s death, Richard reflects on how grief evolves as time races forward and youth quietly gives way to middle age. Blending personal memory with the poetry of W.B. Yeats, the essay explores mortality, aging, and the urgency of making the most of the years we are given.
- Twenty One Years and Counting
- Twenty-one years after my mother’s death, I reflect on how grief changes as the years pass and life steadily moves forward. The essay explores memory, aging, and the bittersweet realization that those we love seem both ever-present in our hearts and increasingly distant in time.
- “Autumn and Anniversaries; Decline and Death: Maggie and Trudy”
- Every autumn brings anniversaries that remind me of the deaths of my mother and stepmother. Reflections on memory, family, and the passage of time reveal how grief changes but never completely disappears.
- “It’s OK, mom. You did fine.”
- Years after learning that my mother regretted losing her temper with us her children, I offer her the forgiveness she never had the chance to hear. The essay reflects on parental guilt, growing up, and the realization that love matters far more than moments of imperfection.
Trudy, Chris, and Bill:
- In Memoriam: Trudy Rideout
- A tribute to my stepmother that remembers her warmth, resilience, and the quiet courage with which she faced cancer. It is both a celebration of her life and a reflection on how love continues after death.
- “Willis Francis Geib, Father David, O.P: In Memoriam”
- A portrait of a beloved uncle whose decline illustrates both the dignity and sadness that often accompany old age. His story becomes an opportunity to reflect on family bonds, memory, and saying goodbye.
- “For Christopher Prewitt”
- A remembrance of a friend whose untimely death left a lasting impression on everyone who knew him. The essay reflects on friendship, character, and the unpredictable fragility of life.
- “Thank You, Chris”
- During an exhausting tennis match filled with pain and pressure, I draw emotional strength from the memory of my deceased friend Chris Prewitt and his mother. The improbable comeback becomes a reflection on courage, competitive composure, and the ways the dead can remain present in moments of crisis.
Others:
- “La Mamma Morta”
- The celebrated opera scene in Philadelphia prompts a meditation on music’s ability to express the grief, fear, and passion of a person confronting death. Recalling Mozart, Beethoven, and his grandfather’s final decline, I consider why melancholy music has fascinated me since youth – and why dying is profoundly hard.
- This Life Will Break You
- Watching his students respond impassively to stories of suffering, I realize that most are still too young to comprehend tragedy emotionally, even when they understand it intellectually. My own experiences in an emergency room and beside my terminally ill mother taught me what life will eventually teach them: suffering changes us, and the world breaks everyone.
- Norah Vincent Kills Herself
- The assisted death of writer Norah Vincent leads me to remember the unconventional intelligence and distinctive perspective that once drew me to her work. I mourns both the woman and the unwritten books lost during her long struggle with depression, while wondering whether no other path remained open to her.
- One Generation After Another – (“Memento Mori”) – Change and Continuity
- Looking back at my grandparents, parents, and extended family, I consider how every generation eventually gives way to the next. It is an essay about continuity, remembrance, and accepting our place in the long chain of family history.
- Revisiting A Post 14 Years Later: I Am Changed, I Am the Same — I Will Be Food for Worms
- Revisiting an essay written at thirty-nine, I measure how dramatically my priorities and relationship with the past have changed by age fifty-three. Youthful passions have faded, mortality has become concrete, and the desire to use my remaining years well has replaced former preoccupation with old loves and regrets.
- Three Deaths and a Vicious Knife Attack
- I consider how a series of shocking events reminded me of both life’s fragility and its unpredictability. Even ordinary days can suddenly confront us with violence, mortality, and the preciousness of simply being alive.
- The News of the Death of a Famous Person I Never Forgot
- I reflect on the unexpected death of a public figure whose passing lingered in my mind long after the headlines faded. The essay explores why some lives—and some deaths—continue to shape our own long afterward.
- Welcome Anno Domini 2023
- I welcome a new year by looking backward with gratitude and forward with hope. The passing of another year reminds me to spend my remaining time with greater purpose and intention.
- What is Important and Unimportant
- I reflect on how age has changed my sense of perspective and taught me to distinguish life’s essentials from its distractions. Many things that once seemed urgent now strike me as surprisingly trivial.
- This Life Will Break You
- I reflect on the painful experiences that eventually touch every human life and permanently change us. Suffering is unavoidable, but it can deepen our compassion, wisdom, and appreciation for what truly matters.