Reflections on marriage, parenting, family life, aging parents, and the relationships that define us. These essays explore the joys, responsibilities, and challenges of family across every stage of life. There are numerous letters to daughters all the way from birth through college.
I am sailing the ship of state through a sea of estrogen. Or I feel at times like I am swimming in an ocean of estrogen, and I struggle to keep my head above the surface. Between work and home I am up to my ears in females – teenage girls, in particular. And this … Read more
I got a late start in the parenting game. I was 36 when I first got married (I was cautious), and I was 39 when my firstborn took her first breaths outside the womb. I was 42 when my second and last child was born. Yes, I am an old dad. I am sure there … Read more
I returned home last night from my weekly men’s tennis night to find my younger daughter exhausted and overwrought. Her eyes were ringed red with fatigue, and she sat down at the kitchen table and burst out crying. It took me by surprise. I wondered if something bad had happened to my daughter that day, … Read more
What does it mean to be a parent? Often I think to serve well as a parent means ideally to be mature, possess self-control, and have good judgment. This might seem self-evident, my dear reader. But it is also vague. What does self-control and good judgment look like in practice? Well, let me be specific: … Read more
I see new parents and I shake my head. I see them pushing a baby-stroller, or chasing down a scrambling toddler, and I think to myself the following thought: “There but for the grace of God go I…” Being a parent to babies, toddlers, and little kids is so exhausting. It sucks you dry. I … Read more
My grandma, Margaret (“Peg”) Harriet Sullivan Geib, died when she was 77-years old. Her husband, Phillip James Geib, my grandfather, died at 90-years of age. Their deaths could not have been more different. My grandma was ready to go. I remember her telling me around 1977 or so that she had little interest in the … Read more
Supposedly my paternal grandfather (born in 1898) could recite long stretches of poetry by heart — Shelley and Keats, the classics. I mostly saw him recite semi-salacious limericks or other pithy humorous sayings, although he could recite those well enough, too. My grandfather had it all memorized. It was poetry at his fingertips, ready for … Read more
Dear Julia and Elizabeth, I am finally old. I think it is official. It has been coming on for a number of years, and maybe the preliminary step was my decision to get rid of social media and sever most of my online contacts. By 2019 I decided I would be a friend with you … Read more
Like a snail with its shell it feels as if I have carried them around on my back for decades. My books. I own many of them. Too many? From apartment to apartment, even while in college and early adulthood, I never threw away any book I enjoyed. They added up. A buddy laughingly likes … Read more
It has been three full months since this school year began. I hear stories of my fellow teachers around the country pulling out their hair, claiming the students post-pandemic are “feral” in misbehavior and way behind in their studies. Some schools seem to be out of control. Teachers are fed up and quitting mid-year. Most … Read more
Dear Elizabeth, So I sit here across the table from you at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf store at the corner of Telephone Rd. and Main St. here in Ventura, CA. You are enjoying a hot chocolate with whipping cream which you assure me is delicious. Your older sister Julia had soccer practice this … Read more
Dear Julia, Six days from today you will embark upon your high school career in the classroom. It will be the first day of your freshman year. But as you have already started high school athletics, I will take this moment to write to you moving forward. You are fourteen years old, and high school … Read more
I had my first long summer bike ride along the beach yesterday. I rode some 35 miles total from downtown Ventura to Rincon Point along the beach, and back. It was my favorite time of the day for such a bike ride: approaching sunset. The temperature was dropping as the dying sun reflected a rust … Read more
In a few weeks my younger daughter will finish her fifth grade year and move to middle school. It will end nine years of our family’s involvement at Poinsettia Elementary School. I remember a co-worker telling me how it seemed like her children’s time in elementary school lasted forever. I tend to agree. But the … Read more
Today, if she were still alive, my mother would turn 80-years old. But she is dead. She died at 56-years of age. To arrive at 80-years of age would have been quite the milestone for my mother, if she were alive. It was so for my father. Additionally, my older daughter Julia turns 14-years old … Read more
As of late you have shown a particular interest in reading blog posts I have written. “Can I read one of your essays?” you intone before bedtime. It seems to have become a ritual. This surprises me. I am running out of essays for you to read. But they seem important to you. So I … Read more
Among my friends and family It is a well known story: how I took my TV out to the desert and blew it up with a shotgun. That was back in 1986. It was a small black and white TV, befitting a college student with no money. But it was a highly symbolic action, and … Read more
There comes a time when your child wants a bit more independence. It happened with my older daughter, Julia, around the beginning of sixth grade. She would come home from school, go up into her room, close the door, and come out hardly at all for the rest of the evening. If she were hungry … Read more
Dearest Julia, I was saddened to hear you say today you felt you were unable to detach from the execrable online learning software the schools have offered up during this Coronavirus school closure crisis. You claimed, “I have deadlines; my teachers send me emails. Daddy, I need to get a good grade because that is … Read more
“Renew thyself completely each day; do it again, and again, and forever again.” Tching-Thang It is the third week of the new fall semester. The shock of the school year beginning has passed, and we are now more in the swing of things: we have found our stride, more or less. And when I say … Read more
So today is my last match of this junior team tennis season. Actually we are to play two matches at two different locations, to finish the season before the deadline — and I am exhausted. All the text messages arranging practices and setting up matches with the other coaches from the other clubs, and then … Read more
Every weekday morning it is the same. I race out the door no later than 7:30 am to take my daughters to school. I drop Julia off for her bus at 7:39, and then deposit Elizabeth no later than 7:43 at her school. I am in my own classroom standing tall and ready for students … Read more
Oh, how I have a love/hate relationship with AYSO soccer! So, gentle reader, you may well ask what does “AYSO” stand for? Officially, it stands for American Youth Soccer Organization, and it has been around forever. I played it back in 1976. But I and other parents refer to it as “All Your Saturdays Occupied.” … Read more
ON RAISING DAUGHTERS Two summers ago when she was preparing to start fourth grade, I read Romeo and Juliet with my oldest daughter, Julia. It took a long time to read each line and to examine closely the Elizabethan era prose/verse, and to discuss characterization and what Shakespeare was trying to do at that point … Read more
My father and stepmother pose for the camera in Heisler Park, Laguna Beach on August 3rd, 2018. My father’s mother suffered a heart attack when she was 77. She survived it and was hospitalized, and all her children rushed to her bedside for support. A few weeks later, she had another heart attack and was gone. … Read more
The other day I caught my youngest daughter reading in her loft bed at night in the dark at 11:00 p.m. I was more than a bit angry, as I saw her bloodshot eyes peering out at me from her bed; she would be comatose the next morning, short of sleep, I thought to myself. … Read more
I drive around the streets where I live at 3:30 in the afternoon and I am surprised at what I don’t see: kids running around playing. The streets seem devoid of children playing. I do see clumps of middle and high school students getting off yellow school buses and walking sullenly to their houses. But … Read more
I would say a few words, gentle reader, about two recent passions in my life: guns and yoga. Maybe it is just that I am a Gemini, that I would have hobbies so seemingly dissimilar (even antithetical). Yoga and guns? Are you crazy? Maybe. I enjoy them both. But I have highly nuanced feelings and … Read more
RIDING AWAY FROM THE CHURCH: Colin and Katherine are off and biking towards future adventures in their marriage! November 30, 2017 Dear Colin, I enjoyed your wedding last weekend; thank you for inviting me. I remember getting married on June 21st, 2003 — how stressful it was to be the center of so much attention, … Read more
Cross country on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings at 7:00 a.m. on campus before school. Swim team practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays after school from 3:30 to 4:30 pm, followed by soccer practice from 5:30 to 6:30 on those days. Then there is tennis team practice on Fridays at 4:00 pm, and I play with … Read more