Last weekend I went to a tailgating party and then watched a football game. I was with my old fraternity brothers from college, and then we watched our alma mater UCLA face off against the Purdie Boilermakers. UCLA won 52-38. in a game marked by powerful offense and almost non-existent defense.
I had a great time. And “why” is worth writing about.
For many years I had seen my friends meet and visit at UCLA games, just like we had when we were in college. But the length of these days was offputting. For example, we met at 3:30 in the afternoon and then the football game started at 8:00 pm. The football game ended at midnight, and I arrived back home at 1:15 am. That makes it an all-day affair.
That is why for many long years I passed on these parties. I love getting out there and doing sports myself, but I can only sit for so long and watch sporting events. I can’t tell you the last time I watched an entire football game – or any part of a football game, for that matter.
But now that my own daughter is a UCLA student, I decided to meet up with my college buddies. I just didn’t get it done last year when she was a freshman, because… well, life got in the way and I didn’t make it happen. But I decided to make it happen this year. I reached out months ago, bought tickets, and committed to attend.
When my fraternity brothers informed me we would meet on September 19, 2026 at 3:30 pm in the Rose Bowl parking lot before an 8:00 pm start time for the game, I was taken aback. Woah. That is a long time (4.5 hours) to be visiting before the main event. But then I reflected that these guys do these at least once every football season for decades, so they must know what they are doing. I would go along with whatever.
When my friend showed up, I was so happy to see them. It had been so many years. I drove myself east to the Rose Bowl from Ventura, but they had chartered a bus and drove north from Orange County. They brought a BBQ and food, and chairs aplenty on the bus with them. The tailgate party was on!
I was so happy to finally meet up with them. There was much catching up to be had, and we talked furiously. My college friends were witnesses to our transition from college to the professional world: we emerged from school into adult life. Now, decades later, we’re beginning another major transition together: we are moving from later middle-age into retirement. That was powerful to behold. My, how different the world looks for us today!
We are not 25 or 35, or even 45. 55 is even a few years ago. We are looking 60-years of age in the face. So career ambition has lost much of its psychological power over us.
We have built careers, and plumbed whatever good or bad can come from it. But that is ending. Retirement is nigh. So the question seems to have changed from “What can we build?” to “What do I want to do with the time we have?” Priorities have changed; several things tend to converge. Research on aging and motivation generally finds that as people perceive their remaining time as more limited, they increasingly prioritize emotionally meaningful experiences and relationships rather than career advancement, status accumulation, and distant rewards. That doesn’t mean we have become unambitious. Rather our ambitions have migrated: I want to play tennis while my body still lets me. I want to travel. I want to see my friends. I want time with my spouse and children. I want mornings that belong to me. I want to fully enjoy and inhabit my physical body via exercise and eros while remaining active and engaged for as long as I can – it will not last forever. This is a different focus than twenty years ago. A man in middle age, full of vanity, might brag about his job or his wealth. There was less of that among us. We were not bragging or competing. We were going back to more important connections about what was most important to us as human beings. We talked about our children. Our hopes for winding down careers. Plans for retirement. We re-lived happy moments back in college from so long ago. The hours flew by.
This can make an eight-hour conversation feel like much more than “catching up.” Re-connecting with old college friends feels unusually significant at this age. Those friendships connect the 59-year-old version of myself with the 19-year-old version. There aren’t many people left in adult life who knew me before my career, outside of my professional identity, and the decades of accumulated responsibilities. But my fraternity brothers did.
I was planning on leaving the football game around halftime to make the 70-minute drive home on Southern California freeways. But I stayed all the way until midnight when the game ended, and I did not feel as if I had overstayed my welcome. I wasn’t tired. I was energized.
I am lucky to have a long list of lifelong friends. My oldest goes back to 1976 in fourth grade –
– that was 50 years ago! Staying connected to Mike Janicin and my other buddies is almost my highest priority. My health and my friends/family – everyone else is secondary.
I wasn’t there for football, not really. I was there for friends and community. That was awesome. Last Saturday was a special day.
I can’t wait to do it again.
Thanks, Dan, for setting it all up.